Re: Remembering Cory

Catt24 7/14/2013, 1:46 pm

This was just awful news to wake up to and it has not fully hit me yet. There were times in where I could not stand Finn, but Cory was so talented, that even when I disliked Finn, there was this earnest, boyish, impish quality about Cory's portrayal of Finn that I found endearing.

RIP Cory Monteith, and my prayers are with his family, friends, Lea, and the Glee cast :(You will be greatly missed.

AnneNeville 7/14/2013, 1:48 pm

brisallie wrote:@AnneNeville, don't feel bad for expressing your feelings. As hours have passed, I starting to think more clearly about what happened, and until the autopsy says otherwise, sadly I believe that Cory probably didn't make it in his last rehab. And even though I was someone who applauded him for getting in rehab, by other side it surprised me, because I thought he was fine, but then I realized there might be some addictions some people have to deal with all their life.

...Cory's death have made me questioning lots of things.

Addictions are very hard to kick, there is a high failure rate, a high relapse rate, and to be perfectly blunt, Cory became an addict at a very young age and went VERY low before he entered rehab at 19. Assuming he was clean until a year or so ago, he did very well . . . but once you are an addict, you are an addict . . . you're just using or not using.

Also, using heavily at a young age can cause serious health problems (damaged hearts, livers, etc). My mother, a social worker with a background first in treating alcoholism then in foster care/prevention, knew a 23 year old who was *dying* of cirrhosis. He started drinking at 13.

Unfortunately, with Cory's history and the fact that he had to be pulled/pull himself from production (we will never truly know which it was, though PR said the latter), a month in rehab was not enough. It was plain to me (::points to psychiatrist father and social worker mother::[spaces added because the accidental smiley face was offending me] ) that it was not enough time, not for something so bad that he had lost so much weight and had to leave the show/force rewrites when there was a month or so to go before the end of the season.

I HATE THE WORLD.

Jellyrolls 7/14/2013, 1:58 pm

AnneNeville, we are all friends here, and we are all here to listen and support each other. I'm sorry for what your cousin and family are going through, and I hope that your cousin can overcome his demons.

Though none of us here personally knows Cory, we are all saddened and shocked that he has been taken from this world far too soon. It is OK to mourn his loss, and feel pain for it. We invited Cory into our homes each week when we watched Glee. He is someone who entertained us, made us laugh, made us smile, and even cry sometimes.

Addiction is a very very scary thing, and unfortunately, a large percentage of addicts do return to fall back into their old ways.

But I have great admiration for Cory because he did fight it once, and stayed sober for a long time. And considering he went to rehab just a few months ago, he did want to overcome them again. As Chris said in his tweet that day, "Anyone who helps himself is a hero in my book." His willingness to speak openly about his past was very brave of him, and I'm sure his words helped some of his fans.

I keep going back to the words Kurt said during Funeral (which I'm paraphrasing): Rather than mourning over the sadness of his death, we should celebrate the joy of his life.

Thank you, Cory, for entertaining us on Glee. I will miss your charm and the cute little half smile you would give so often.

fantastica 7/14/2013, 2:03 pm

RIP cory! we will always remember you!

my son called from spain this morning and the first thing he mentioned was cory, because he knew i watch glee (but he doesn't). the whole world knows his passing now.

fantastica 7/14/2013, 2:11 pm

AnneNeville 7/14/2013, 2:11 pm

Jellyrolls wrote:AnneNeville, we are all friends here, and we are all here to listen and support each other. I'm sorry for what your cousin and family are going through, and I hope that your cousin can overcome his demons.

Thank you for your compassion and understanding. Unfortunately, I do not have much hope for my cousin. I have watched what alcohol did to his father (as has he). Yet, he shows little comprehension of the scale of his problem and is encircled by enablers. Cory showed more awareness and took more action to help himself.

Perhaps that is part of why I am so sad.

But back to Cory now . . .

Ranwing 7/14/2013, 2:32 pm

AnneNeville, you're not the only one with a lot of conflicting feelings. I am mourning Cory because I did admire him both as an actor and as a person. He did a lot of good with his life and gave me a lot of pleasure with his work. He was involved in a number of charitable causes that are indeed worthy of respect. I am heartbroken for Lea, because I'm sure she is beating herself up for not being with Cory and possibly (as far as she might have believed) could have prevented this. But I'm also angry that Cory got addicted to drugs at all, that he might have waited too long to seek out help or that he might have left rehab to early. If Cory's addition was what lead to his death (and it's hard not to assume that this is the likely case), then it's doubly tragic because it's such a pointless, needless loss.

No one has to become an addict and while I understand completely how addiction is a real disease and how hard it is to fight addition, I don't divorce personal responsibility from the equation. When Cory chose to use drugs, he had to take ownership of all the consequences and the pain he caused to those who loved him. It's perfectly okay to mourn both his loss and to be angry that it was a death that could have been prevented.

I never knew Cory beyond his appearance on Glee. I never met him so I don't know what demons he had driving him. But he wasn't an Amy Winehouse who's death you could see coming from miles away. He knew he had a problem and he had sought help. He had so much to live for and that's what really gets to me. None of us were expecting an end like this. To die alone and to have no one notice until you don't check out of your hotel room is tragic and pathetic. I had an uncle who died under not so different circumstances - he collapsed in his apartment and wasn't found until days later. It breaks my heart to think of anyone dying alone like that.

My emotions are all over the place right now. It hits home for me in some ways because I could have been a Cory. I had a completely fucked up adolescence where if I had picked up something stronger than a joint, I could have set myself up for a lifetime of battling addictions. I know that I'm lucky that I feared drugs more than I feared my own pain. I wish that Cory had never gotten involved with drugs. I wish that Cory had been more diligent with getting help. I wish that someone had been with him that night. But wishes are pointless here. We can only mourn what might have been and give our best wishes to those who have lost a loved one.

brisallie 7/14/2013, 2:55 pm

AnneNeville wrote:

Addictions are very hard to kick, there is a high failure rate, a high relapse rate, and to be perfectly blunt, Cory became an addict at a very young age and went VERY low before he entered rehab at 19. Assuming he was clean until a year or so ago, he did very well . . . but once you are an addict, you are an addict . . . you're just using or not using.

Also, using heavily at a young age can cause serious health problems (damaged hearts, livers, etc). My mother, a social worker with a background first in treating alcoholism then in foster care/prevention, knew a 23 year old who was *dying* of cirrhosis. He started drinking at 13.

Unfortunately, with Cory's history and the fact that he had to be pulled/pull himself from production (we will never truly know which it was, though PR said the latter), a month in rehab was not enough. It was plain to me (::points to psychiatrist father and social worker mother::[spaces added because the accidental smiley face was offending me] ) that it was not enough time, not for something so bad that he had lost so much weight and had to leave the show/force rewrites when there was a month or so to go before the end of the season.

I HATE THE WORLD.

I'm agree with you. We've seen countless of times how celebs get in and get out from rehab as it they were in a hotel in a paradisiac beach somewhere in the caribbean (sorry for being sarcastic at this moment), and it never works. But, when it comes to Cory, he was already in rehab at 19, so innocently I believed he would be able to going through this, and unlike those other celebs, he was more mature, because in first place he was the one who decided to seek for help. It seems I was wrong, and not mattering how clean he was previously this relapse, is something that was going to last with him for years.

As I said before, Cory's death have me questioning things like how doctors decide when a patient is ready to be release? Are they sure they're totally fine, and do producers really understand these people have to be at least a six months in rehab?

CloveGlee 7/14/2013, 3:12 pm

I put a brief memorial to Cory on my old recap blog. http://recappersdelight.blogspot.com/2013/07/rest-in-peace-cory-montieth-1982-2013.html

AnneNeville 7/14/2013, 3:21 pm

brisallie wrote:
AnneNeville wrote:

Addictions are very hard to kick, there is a high failure rate, a high relapse rate, and to be perfectly blunt, Cory became an addict at a very young age and went VERY low before he entered rehab at 19. Assuming he was clean until a year or so ago, he did very well . . . but once you are an addict, you are an addict . . . you're just using or not using.

Also, using heavily at a young age can cause serious health problems (damaged hearts, livers, etc). My mother, a social worker with a background first in treating alcoholism then in foster care/prevention, knew a 23 year old who was *dying* of cirrhosis. He started drinking at 13.

Unfortunately, with Cory's history and the fact that he had to be pulled/pull himself from production (we will never truly know which it was, though PR said the latter), a month in rehab was not enough. It was plain to me (::points to psychiatrist father and social worker mother::[spaces added because the accidental smiley face was offending me] ) that it was not enough time, not for something so bad that he had lost so much weight and had to leave the show/force rewrites when there was a month or so to go before the end of the season.

I HATE THE WORLD.

I'm agree with you. We've seen countless of times how celebs get in and get out from rehab as it they were in a hotel in a paradisiac beach somewhere in the caribbean (sorry for being sarcastic at this moment), and it never works. But, when it comes to Cory, he was already in rehab at 19, so innocently I believed he would be able to going through this, and unlike those other celebs, he was more mature, because in first place he was the one who decided to seek for help. It seems I was wrong, and not mattering how clean he was previously this relapse, is something that was going to last with him for years.

As I said before, Cory's death have me questioning things like how doctors decide when a patient is ready to be release? Are they sure they're totally fine, and do producers really understand these people have to be at least a six months in rehab?

Putting on my hat as the child of a psychiatrist and social worker:

1. Cory rehabbing young was good--though he stated he did "everything" if I recall, and went to rehab after committing crimes and dropping out of school. On the other hand, him being addicted so young was a bad indicator [not that it is good to get addicted older]. Heavy drug use often impairs or arrests a developing brain, and someone coming off drugs or booze might find themselves behind in their maturity (my alcoholic cousin, if you speak to him, reasons and sounds like a 16 year old, not a 23 year old who has been to college--and that is the age that I said he started). Plus, you never learned the non-substance ways of coping with life's stressors.

2. Who decides how long someone can be in treatment? Unless you have tons of money, insurance companies. They will pay for a certain number of days of inpatient care for various mental illnesses or addictions. It made my father rage. He'd have suicidal patients who'd be released from the hospital after 24 or 48 hours, because that is all insurance would allow. Rehab is probably similar.

Also, who knows what Cory's financial situation was, or what his reason for entering rehab was (not trying to be a conspiracy theorist, just saying that we cannot know that the PR "free choice" is the truth)?

For someone with his background and looking as he did, I thought 30 days seemed short--even publicity-stunt short--especially considering that upon exiting the whole world acted as if everything had been fixed. Sites I've looked at suggest 30-90 days, and Cory was in for 28, I think. I suspected that--despite the PR we had--things were bad and he was compelled to go to rehab, but he did the minimum and--upon leaving--did not seem to be following up on his treatment. Plus his weight plummeted again.

I really DID think this was likely to happen. Very likely. But I also thought that it would be after the next seasons started, that we'd begin to hear bad stories about him, reports of missing shoots, another stint in rehab, before it came to this. It happened much faster than I expected.

And I had hoped so much that I would be 100% wrong.

As for the producers . . . no, I don't think they care. Individuals might care, but institutions do NOT.* As long as someone is on their feet enough to get the job done, people will look the other way. And I can say first hand from working as an extra that doing 12+ hour days 5 days per week for months on end is HARD. Waking up is hard, falling asleep is hard, having the energy and focus to be on point at work is hard. Lots of people (including crew) do drugs of various kinds, even on set--or so I have been told by people who extra'd longer than me--because it is difficult to survive the hours otherwise.

There are likely people on this forum who know a lot more about addiction than I do, but that is what I understand from my background.

* ETA: And the producers or his team knew he was still sick. That's the reason for the striped clothes, long sleeved shirts in a California summer, constant PR refrains of "happy and healthy," and pap shots of him eating. Those were not random.

AnneNeville 7/14/2013, 3:29 pm

After all those posts, I want to post something more positive. As I said, I never liked Finn, but Cory put so much into the character. I laughed so much during first season, especially with his performance of teenage premature *cough*. I was absolutely stunned by his acting in "The Break Up," because I had not thought of him as so sensitive and subtle. His expressions in the musical-theatre bar in that episode were so heart-breaking that I actually rewound the scene several times and made hubby watch it with me over and over, because THAT (and Chris's acting in that scene as well) is how it should be done.

AnneNeville 7/14/2013, 3:33 pm

More simply . . . thank you Cory for what you gave. You're an actor who I will never forget because in the end, your performance touched me deeply and unexpectedly.

ladydianab 7/14/2013, 3:44 pm

I too, remember when John Lennon died, when Andy Gibb died, when Karen Carpenter died, when John Belushi died and so on. I am sure that as we are entertained, have good feelings that are associated with a celebrity, when that person dies we lose a little bit of ourselves as well even though we don't know them personally. Totally reasonable for we fans to feel the loss.

One of the first things that I thought of when I heard about Cory was the comraderie the Glee cast has and the support they can give one another and Lea especially. When a boss/friend I had passed away from cancer I was at the store where we both worked (and she owned) when I received the news of her passing away the night before, and since I was alone I locked the door and just cried. When I called each staff member they immediately wanted to come to the store! No matter what they were doing or where they were they came to the place where we shared the many hours, and collective memories. The store was closed in the next 6 months. We did not have the heart to keep it going.

Anyway, I see the Glee family gathered together to grieve and support one another. They certainly deserve the privacy and respect to grieve and to eventually begin the healing process.

brisallie 7/14/2013, 3:52 pm

I forgot to say Cory's death affected as much as when Heath Ledger died. Because both died in similar circumstances, and both were young actors who had a promising future in the showbiz, also both were loved not only by fans, but also by their colleagues.

Also, this tragic loss made me realize that Cory was able to go beyond Glee. I've read grief comments from people who never was into Glee, but they actually were fond on this sweet guy. And that's for me is priceless.. and I just can say "You left this life early Cory"

@AnneNeville, I've read your answers to my doubts and besides sadness, I'm starting to feel angry because it seems society don't know how to properly help people who're dealing with drugs/alcohol. I know is been said that family is important, and I know it is because you family and friends will always be there for you, but what about institutions or your workplace?

sheny 7/14/2013, 3:55 pm

A star name after Cory has been purchased.

gleeks:
So tonight wherever you are please look up to the sky and see that the star shinning brightest is Cory Monteiths star. X

arina 7/14/2013, 5:22 pm

I cannot believe this, still hoping it's jut a nightmare. I've just come back from my trip and definitely did not except to hear something this terrible. Cory was wonderful actor and seemed like very very likeable and nice man... why his story had to end like this?

Ranwing 7/14/2013, 5:28 pm

arina wrote:I cannot believe this, still hoping it's jut a nightmare. I've just come back from my trip and definitely did not except to hear something this terrible. Cory was wonderful actor and seemed like very very likeable and nice man... why his story had to end like this?

There's no logic or rational in this. Whether drugs were a factor or not, it was a tragedy to have such a talented, giving man die so young. We all can sit around and try to make sense of this, but there's no sense to be made. It's always tragic when someone with so much going for him in life has it cut short.

Cory was a definite asset to Glee and the show will be much poorer without his presence. But what really matters is the loss of Cory to his friends and family. Glee can and will go on, but they will never fill the hole that Cory's loss has made.

Ireth 7/14/2013, 5:32 pm

I heard about this around 8 hours ago, and I'm still in tears and still not quite able to believe it.

My heart goes out to everyone who loves him-his family, friends and Lea.

I will always remember how brave he was, how determined he was, and his wonderful, sweet and talented he was.

Glorfindel 7/14/2013, 5:40 pm

My internet connection during my holiday in Spain is not that good, so the past few weeks I have only checked the Chris Colfer tag on tumblr for news and such, but posting on forums is difficult so I haven't really bothered.
But tonight I just have to post, because I can't believe that sweet Cory is gone, and I want to join you all in this grief.

What a shock, and what a waste. Cory was still so young. He fought his demons over and over again, and even if it turns out that he couldn't fight his demons in the end, he was a brave, strong man in my book.

After Chris, Cory was my favorite on Glee. I loved his acting, his singing, his charm as Finn and as himself in interviews, his crooked smile and his wit. I even loved his awkward attempt at dancing with choreography.

My heart goes out to poor, poor Lea, Cory's family, and also the cast of Glee. They must be devastated. I wish I could take away some of their pain, but all I can do is cry myself, and spiritually send them my love and sympathy.

Rest in peace, dear, dear Cory.

MoviesAreLife 7/14/2013, 5:41 pm

Oh my god. I just heard of this when I logged onto the internet a few seconds ago. I am shaking. I cannot believe this. I knew he was troubled almost all of his life and I knew of the recent rehab stint. I knew he had gotten out and looked a bit thinner. Some people thought he didn't look so good....I wondered if it was just speculation or not. I never, ever thought it would come to this especially so soon. I did not see this coming at all...it's not like he was one of those overly troubled celebrities who makes a lot of noise (like Lohan)....it was just one recent slip up! I truly did not see this coming at all. Poor Lea. I feel awful for all of his family members and loved ones. I wonder how everyone else in the cast feels? I haven't even read the articles yet....the headline is just too nauseating to handle right now.

Don't even know what this means for Glee, nor do I care at the moment. There are more important things than work right now.

Finn always grated on my nerves, but Cory seemed goofy and funny. This is awful.

valkeakuulas 7/14/2013, 5:41 pm

I just ran again into the gif set of Cory hugging Chris in The Break-Up episode and it really got to me. :'(
Based on the notes it has gotten, so were bunch of others.

I just can't help to feel for the friends of Cory. How some of them have just woken up to know about this. First days are the hardest.

I've never really been invested in a fandoms that a passing of a actor or a musican would have affected me this much. I do remember River Phoenix's death was significant in my youth. But then in the 90's we didn't have this kind of instant social media connection to anyone. You heard about deaths days or even weeks later.

MoviesAreLife 7/14/2013, 5:46 pm

How did he go so downhill SO fast?! There were literally no warning signs at all, other than the April rehab. He wasn't even a chronic case. Oh, my God....

I feel like I'm going to throw up. Dammit, he should have stayed in rehab for at LEAST a year!!!! I got a very bad feeling when he was out in less than one month, but I never, ever saw this coming. Glee should've given him a year off and let him stay in rehab for a longer period of time. Make his character go off with the army again or something....

I haven't read the articles yet. I hear he was alone? I thought he was living with Lea.

AnneNeville 7/14/2013, 5:54 pm

MoviesAreLife wrote:How did he go so downhill SO fast?! There were literally no warning signs at all, other than the April rehab. He wasn't even a chronic case. Oh, my God....

People were noticing the weight loss early in Season Four.

MoviesAreLife 7/14/2013, 5:56 pm

AnneNeville wrote:
MoviesAreLife wrote:How did he go so downhill SO fast?! There were literally no warning signs at all, other than the April rehab. He wasn't even a chronic case. Oh, my God....

People were noticing the weight loss early in Season Four.

I know. Many people thought he was getting healthier and more into shape...

AnneNeville 7/14/2013, 5:58 pm

MoviesAreLife wrote:
AnneNeville wrote:
MoviesAreLife wrote:How did he go so downhill SO fast?! There were literally no warning signs at all, other than the April rehab. He wasn't even a chronic case. Oh, my God....

People were noticing the weight loss early in Season Four.

I know. Many people thought he was getting healthier and more into shape...

Yes, helped by pap shots of hiking, etc. That was the party line. They even wrote it into "I Do" (Finn said he'd been on a diet). They knew.

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